I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Time Time Time See What's Become of Me

This is it. I think this is really it.  For the first time in......I think forever......I am going to be getting a regular me time, by that I mean substantial weekly time, not a here and there few hours ( I hear the 5minuters stabbing me right now) where there isn't enough time to decide what to do before *poof* my ability to think and speak and walk and talk and feed and clean and move ANY way I want and not even ALL at the same time......is gone!!

When the girls were maybe about 2yrs-3yrs old, I remember reading someone's post along the lines of ... even  if they managed to sneak off and lie face down on the bed for even 5 minutes they considered it me time.....I decided to try it. I knew then, I was in for a long long long slog.

I may no longer be a 5minuter but I really believe you truly don't appreciate that consecutive head space of tranquillity until you become a mum. That ability to have a clear unfettered thought and choose to do whatever you want, whenever, knowing you will probably  still have time to do a few necessities, because, really,  who wants to be doing dishes and washing and ridiculous things like making food when there is  S P A C E   B E T W E E N   T H E   M O M E N T S.

This concept of me time is interesting. It's different things for different people but realistically, Yeeeees, I know I am meant to be feelzin' my moments.....mindfullnessing the green out of my grass, breathing my core to the top of the middle... but sometimes, as I am sure you are aware there just isn't time to do anything meaningfully worthy to be considered (charging self) me time when you have young kids. By the way, this increases exponentially the more kids you have.

But, I can hardly believe it.

It's good to just be able to slowly and deeply breathe in and out without interruption.
It's good having time to get past that shitty guilty stage of 'there are things that need doing, I can't really literally do nothing and get away with it' and be also able to actually literally do nothing. Its hard for me to actually do nothing for very long unless I am asleep, even then I am still moving around. Today I lay for about ten minutes and tensed and relaxed every muscle. I may even do it again because I will  have time!!

It's good not to be thinking I don't know what to do first, there is so much to do, I don't know where to start AND I need to do this me time thingy for me too and to not feel immobilized by how much there is to do that by the time I get my shit together it's too late and I've got very little done.
So far today, FOR ME, I have been swimming and tensed and relaxed my whole body for ten minutes and I still have a couple of hours left!!

It's good to not be thinking oh crap they are nearly home...did I do anything relaxing and meaningful, did I do what I needed to do, do I have time to........before.....with that one glorious rumble of stones on the drive way...with that slam of the door, with that jangle of the key in the lock....my whole world explodes into chaos and loudness and movement and neediness and...well......and life!!

I am giddy with possibilties!! Fortunately the internet is broken or I would have binge watched Gilmour Girls for sure! This way I've started as I mean to go on....there *will* be binge watching but this way has given me a chance to see other possibilties and to switch my body and brain off for 10 minutes of emptiness.

To all my 5minuter and 30mins and few hourers friends....your time will come. Hang in there or faceplant on the bed for 5 minutes more.........maybe call me and I'll help you get some head space....give me a wee chance though just to enjoy mine!!

Meltdowns - don't know I'm not with them!!
Losing the Plot - not likely, unless it a house DIY freak out
Breastfeeding - later

No comments:

Post a Comment