Diary of an unconscious mother: Nature Soup

I've picked the wettest coldest miserablest day EVER to finally make the effort and go to Nurture in Nature. I can't quite believe it. It's either a sign or a fucking joke. It's weird because my first ever NIN over 4yrs ago was the same park in pouring rain.

My enthusiasm for the day is already wearing very thin by the time we finally get in the car for school, Ellie is wailing because she wants to come, Riley is full blown whining at the excitement of walkies and the car has disconnected from its battery for the third time.

I was proper almost organised and cooked a rice dish last night. Didn't manage to sort anything else and Maia takes one look at it and refuses. Oh well she'll be hungry.

It's been over 9months since I was last at NIN (with a few times in between) . For those who don't know, I used to be a proper die hard NIN'er. For years, we would be out twice a week, all weathers, all places. Totally up for it, totally into it. We even had the girls birthday parties outside in nature. Then I got tired.

NIN doesn't start till 10am but most people don't arrive till later (having kids 'n' all!!), but as we've dropped Ellie off at 9am we make our way there. It's a gamble because Maia could become cold and bored after a short time want to leave (it's happened many times in the past) then I'd miss everyone. We bump into an old NIN friend leaving the allotment...with her 4mnth old. Wow it has been a while!!

Manage to muster energy to engage with Maia and throw the ball for Riley, for an hour at the freezing cold windy flagpole. I guess that's the reason the pole is posted there!!

Find your tree

At last people start to arrive and we head straight for the woods for a game of 'find your tree' and the ubiquitous tree climbing.

11am - I'm flagging. Millie's asleep on my back. Maia's having an absolute ball, she's found a fishing net which we attached to a stick and she's at the pond. Riley's still going strong too!

12.30pm - persuade Maia to make her way back up towards the flagpole ( car.) I'm beginning to regret not bringing a pram. I really didn't think we'd be out this long!

1pm - amazing what kids will eat when hungry. Rice gone!

2pm - Still here. I'm kinda done but Maia is SO happy making spaghetti soup in a tree nook that I don't have the heart to make her leave. Previously at NIN I used to have a real problem when the group would move on and my kids didn't. I'd feel compelled to keep up and cajole them along and start to become quite stressed that everyone was ahead chatting an socialising whilst their kids played nearby whilst mine were lagging behind and I was alone. Today though I decided to be ok with it. Stayed where I was. I am so glad I did. Millie came down off my back and totally immersed herself in her surroundings, Maia and I connected brilliantly over natures soup.

I was on a roll. We finished at the park just in time to pick up Ellie from school....except....bugger......she has after school club!!! Had to go home, change Millie, feed her and go back out again. Urgh!

All in all it was a brilliant day. I'm so glad I made the effort and forced myself to go. I'd texted with my cousin about it in the morning and I'm so glad she persuaded me to go. I've lost myself in caring for three littlies and keeping the house going that I'd forgotten how to get my act together to go out and about. I'd lost confidence in my ability to cope with anything but the mundane. Today showed me that I *can* do it.